Updates

First, some updates on Esther...

• We have been to see her in the NICU for a few hours each day. We like the facility and the staff--we feel very confident with our baby there.
• The nurse said that today Esther's chest x-ray looks much better than yesterday's, which is a great sign.
• Esther is now being fed through a tube in her nose that goes down to her stomach, instead of through an IV. I have been pumping milk for her but I'm not yet producing enough to cover all her feedings. Hopefully my supply will pick up in the next few days so she won't have to be supplemented with formula for long.
• Between yesterday's visit and today's, she was stable enough to get really cleaned up for the first time. (Initially she was not healthy enough for a bath so her hair was still yucky and matted from birth.) Now she is even prettier. :)
• She has been put on a ten day course of antibiotics, so she will remain in the NICU for at least that long.
• We got to hold her for the first time today. It was so good to be close to her. Unfortunately, she didn't tolerate it very well. She cried quite a bit and her pulse-oxygen saturation went down below where it needs to be, so the nurse told us she needed to go back in the isolette. Even our small bit of handling was just too much stress for her today.

Updates on Esther's mommy...

• It is so incredibly hard to not be able to hold your child as much as you want, to know that it is actually less healthy to do so than to leave her alone. I think having to put her back in the isolette this afternoon was the hardest part of this experience so far.
• I am rather emotional, which shouldn't be surprising. But I feel much better today (I cried maybe once an hour) than yesterday (I cried maybe every 10 minutes or so). I really feel God's mercy sustaining me in the harder moments.
• I feel like everything we went through a few weeks back, being so uncertain about what the echogenicity on Esther's ultrasound meant, really prepared us for the experience of having her in the NICU. We came face to face with the worst-case scenarios lung problems could be. Now we do indeed have a baby with lung problems and it's not nearly as bad as we once thought it could be, so I look at Esther every day and genuinely feel thankful for all the ways that she is healthy.
• Physically, I feel pretty good. This morning, as I went about my relatively normal routines, it was strange to think that if Esther wasn't in the NICU I would have still been in the hospital. With all the trips to Pittsburgh we are making, it is a challenge to "rest as much as possible" as I'm supposed to. (But I'm sure that's the case for any second time mom.)

Time for a few pictures!

Esther

We are happy to share that Courtney gave birth last night to Esther Irene Collins. She was 6 lbs. and 19 in. long. Courtney is doing well. Like Austin's birth, this was a fast one. Courtney's water broke at 6 PM, we arrived at the hospital about 6:40, and she gave birth at 10:29, about 5 minutes after the doctor arrived.

Overnight, Esther was laboring when she breathed. It was determined this morning that she should go to the NICU at West Penn Hospital to monitor her lungs. Based on X-rays that were taken, it appears that either her lungs are not quite developed (this is the most likely scenario since she was born at 35 weeks and 5 days), or that she has an infection such as pneumonia.

Courtney should be discharged from the hospital later this morning. We are glad that Courtney's mom is traveling to be with us and help us with watching Austin since we will be traveling to Pittsburgh a lot over the next few days.

We will post updates on the blog as we find out more. We are trusting that God is in control, and we covet your prayers.

Good News

Zach and I went to Pittsburgh today for our level 2 ultrasound and received the wonderful news that our baby girl looks as healthy as can be! Her heart and lungs looked perfect from every angle, and she was doing lots of "practice breathing," which according to the perinatologist is a good sign.

We are so, so thankful to have this news. But I feel like the experience of the last five days was a valuable reminder that not every baby is healthy. When Zach and I chose to have a child, we were choosing to have whatever child God gave us. It now looks like He has given us another healthy child, but we could not fault Him if the outcome was different. God's goodness, mercy, and steadfastness have been so real to me this week. I want to close with Psalm 145, which I read this morning before we left. It showed me so many wonderful truths about who God is, and reminded me that His character is completely unchanged by my circumstances.

1I will extol You, my God, O King, And I will bless Your name forever and ever. 2Every day I will bless You, And I will praise Your name forever and ever. 3Great is the LORD, and highly to be praised, And His greatness is unsearchable. 4One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts. 5On the glorious splendor of Your majesty And on Your wonderful works, I will meditate. 6Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, And I will tell of Your greatness. 7They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness And will shout joyfully of Your righteousness. 8The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. 9The LORD is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works. 10All Your works shall give thanks to You, O LORD, And Your godly ones shall bless You. 11They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom And talk of Your power; 12To make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom. 13Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, And Your dominion endures throughout all generations. 14The LORD sustains all who fall And raises up all who are bowed down. 15The eyes of all look to You, And You give them their food in due time. 16You open Your hand And satisfy the desire of every living thing. 17The LORD is righteous in all His ways And kind in all His deeds. 18The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. 19He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. 20The LORD keeps all who love Him, But all the wicked He will destroy. 21My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD, And all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.

A Development

Wednesday morning I got a call from my OB with the results of my ultrasound. As expected, he told us that the placenta was no longer low enough to be a concern, but he also said that the report showed some echogenicity of the baby's lungs. I asked what that means and he said he didn't know and neither did the radiologist. (As in, they didn't know what it meant for the baby, although it would have been nice if he had at least defined the word for me.) He said they would repeat the ultrasound in three weeks. End of conversation.

So of course we went straight to Google to see what echogenicity is. Things started sounding pretty scary pretty quickly. What we learned was that basically, the more echogenic something is, the more solid it is. So the lungs looked more solid than they should appear on a sonogram. That can be caused by a number of conditions, some pretty benign, some pretty serious, a few fatal. It was like my world turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Here I was, sitting at my table, feeling my seemingly healthy baby girl move inside me, yet reading that what showed up on the sonogram could indicate that her lungs might not work once she was born and we might lose her.

And yet...God is good and He is sovereign and He allowed me to remember that even in the midst of this. Our baby girl has not for one second been out of His loving care. Zach prayed for us and reminded me that God loves her even more than we do. He will do what is best for her and for us.

Providentially, our church care group met at our house Wednesday night. If it had been anywhere else I would have been strongly tempted to skip (I cried all afternoon whenever I thought about all this), but God brought the care we needed to us. The group prayed for us, and several women who also see my doctor advised us to call back and request a level 2 ultrasound. Zach called the doctor the next morning, we finally heard back from him on Friday, and we are going to Pittsburgh for the ultrasound on Monday morning. If there is a problem, we should be able to find out what it is.

In the meantime, we have been able to get some information that has been somewhat reassuring. One of our acquaintances is a NICU nurse at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, and she outlined for us what conditions are most often associated with echogenicity of the lungs. Although serious, they are mostly treatable and usually have good outcomes.

So we are feeling better about the situation. We are ready to deal with whatever we learn on Monday, whether it shows that Tuesday's ultrasound was mistaken and the baby is fine, or that our baby girl will require special care. Friends in Christ, we covet your prayers this week. We will let you know what we learn on Monday.

Great News on a Great Day

Today is our anniversary. I've spent 8 years with the most wonderful man I could imagine! Our good friends Scott and Liz gave us the incredible gift of overnight babysitting so we could spend last night in Pittsburgh celebrating. We had an awesome dinner at a Spanish restaurant called Ibiza (serrano ham fritters=heaven on a plate), then spent the night at a Wyndham hotel we got on Priceline. (Travel tip: if they tell you your room has two double beds, mention that you're pregnant and therefore don't fit in a double bed with your husband, it's your anniversary, ask if they have a king room, and maybe you'll get a free upgrade to a king suite. With a big jacuzzi tub. Score!) It was a great mini getaway.

Then we had our second ultrasound this afternoon. We were so excited to find out that baby is indeed a girl! There was no doubt this time. Both an intern and the regular ultrasound tech were quite sure. I came right home and started washing the few girl's clothes I've allowed myself to buy. Now that we know the gender for sure, I feel even more motivated to work on that giant to-do list and get ready for this girly to arrive!

By the way, the placenta is now high enough to not be a worry, and everything else looks good. The estimated weight they gave me is 4 lbs 9 oz. 50 days left til the due date...anyone want to guess when she'll actually arrive?

Grandma Pics

My mom just sent me some pictures from her camera, so she no longer has to be left out of the "Fun with Friends and Family" action. Thanks, Mom. :)

We went to the zoo on Memorial Day. Obviously Austin enjoyed the carousel ride.

Reading "Fire Engine Man," which we got from Mom's local library. We have the companion, "Digger Man," at home, and I think we've read it a hundred times. At least.

Fun With Family and Friends

Austin loves his grandparents, of course. What's not to love about the adults who will push you around in a Cozy Coupe for 30 minutes and give you animal crackers? The highlight of every day of our trip was Grandpa coming home from work. Those two could play outside together for hours, and did.

At this point I have to pause and apologize to my mom; I don't have a single picture of her and Austin from this trip. Of course, I hardly have any pics to choose from, period, because I accidentally left my camera in Oklahoma...


...where I spent a couple of days visiting Ashley, Patrick, and Benjamin. We were there less than 24 hours but it was a great time of sharing, catching up, and marveling at how much our boys have changed in a few short months. I took a few pictures, Ashley took lots. (Most of these are from her.) We miss you, McBrides!

I encouraged Austin to give Benjamin a hug so I could get a cute picture. About a second later, Austin totally (and accidentally) fell on top of Benjamin, who smacked his head on the kitchen floor. So sad.

Our most successful attempt at a group shot--can you tell Austin is really fighting to get down?

Just love this picture. Such an enigmatic look.

Shy little smile.

Little boys love the playground.

Meeting Milo

By far the best part of my trip was meeting my nephew, Milo. He is two months old--so big already!

I just love babies...can you tell?

Austin, on the other hand, was not so impressed. He pretty much ignored Milo. He has no idea what's coming!

To-Dos

I was a little ashamed to look at my blog today and discover that it has been an entire month since my last post! Oops...

Austin and I just got back from a wonderful ten-day trip to visit my family. Being with them is always like a vacation for me--they encourage me to relax and enjoy myself while totally spoiling me and my little boy. (cinnamon-swirl French toast for breakfast--yummy!) But now I'm back at home, where there are certain things I must accomplish. And with baby's arrival not too far off, my to-do list is feeling a bit longer than usual.

I woke up early yesterday and knew I'd never fall back asleep--all these things were running through my mind, so I committed them to paper. All neatly categorized because that's how I operate. :) If I can cross off most of this stuff before the baby is born, I will be quite a happy camper.

I have not actually written "blogging" on the list but I have every intention of making a few posts about my trip over the next few days. Stay tuned.