Babies Don't Read

I know a lot of you have read Babywise and implemented its ideas to some extent as you raise your kids. (If you're not familiar with the book, the basic idea is getting your baby in an eating/waking/sleeping routine, leading to a content baby who sleeps through the night at a fairly early age. For young babies like Austin, the feeding cycle should happen every 2 1/2 to 3 hours.) I read the book before Austin was born and it made a lot of sense to me. I like routines. I would sure like a baby who sleeps through the night as early as possible.

But guess what? Austin hasn't read the book. So he doesn't know that he shouldn't be hungry every two hours. He doesn't know that he should stay awake for awhile after every daytime feeding instead of falling right back asleep. He doesn't know that if he wants to sleep for four hours, it's okay at night but not in the morning when he wants to. Can I blame my baby for not knowing this stuff? Of course not! Babies don't read. But I think I can blame the book (which I now wish I had never heard of) for so often making me feel like there is something wrong with me and/or Austin because he is not falling into a certain pattern.

I should not feel guilty for feeding my hungry child or letting my tired child sleep, right? I feel like there is such a battle going on inside me between my instincts and my book knowledge. Poor little Austin is caught in the middle--I'm afraid that all the doubts I'm feeling are keeping me from just enjoying being his mommy.

Little Bits of Normal

Ever since Austin was born, I have been feeling like in some ways my life was over and all I could see in my future was an unending sequence of nursing and naps. Today, however, I felt like a little normalcy returned to my life. My day seemed kind of like the sort of day I had only a few weeks ago, with the addition of an infant. For example:

• I made my bed
• I wore makeup
• I got dressed before noon and wore a non-maternity shirt (I'm scared to try on non-maternity pants; might get depressed)
• I unloaded the dishwasher
• I watched American Idol

This is all little stuff, I know, but it made me feel loads better to be doing some things that feel ordinary to me.

Dinner Out

We took Austin out to dinner for the first time last night at Cici's pizza. Zach and I were supposed to go to Cici's with a group from the tuba studio the day Austin was born. I had been looking forward to it for days like only a pregnant woman can. It was slightly disappointing to be eating hospital food that night instead of pizza. So last night we decided I had waited long enough. Austin exhibited his best restaurant manners and only cried once, and Mama Courtney really enjoyed her pizza.


In other happenings, my mom left this morning to go back to Missouri. It felt a little like the day we dropped her off at the airport after she helped us move to Los Angeles: "Here we are, on our own for real." Except that unlike when we moved to LA, we have tons of friends here (and there) ready to help us. Still, being alone in our house as a family of three for the first time is a little daunting.

How about a few more pictures while the baby is sleeping and I have time to post?

Austin and Daddy talking after a long day of work

Sleepy Austin

Always ready for hugs from Grandma Susan

Some Thoughts on Love

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered...

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Zach and I started memorizing 1 Corinthians 13 together back in February. At the time of Austin's birth we had only gotten through verse 5, mostly because we were not disciplined enough to start a new section every week. Our original intention was to commit to heart some scripture we knew we would use to instruct our children. But last night as I sat awake rocking Austin, it occurred to me how much the Lord needs me to know those truths right now. It is so easy to love my little boy during the day. I need the Lord's grace to love him that much at night. I prayed last night that God would help me love Austin more patiently, more kindly, with less thought for myself, especially at 3AM.

By the way, I think Austin had a better night last night. He slept quietly in his own bed from his 11PM feeding until about 2AM, so I got the night off to a good start with a few hours of sleep. He ate for almost an hour (he is a slow, sleepy eater no matter the time of day), then fussed until about 4. He slept from 4 to 4:40 and I think only woke up because he had peed through his clothes. By the time he was changed it was feeding time again. He ate, I put him down, then got him up again a few minutes later when he was crying. He had peed through his clothes again. BUT...after that he slept for over two hours. Two two-hour stretches of nighttime sleeping is a record for his young life.

Thank you for the responses to my last post. It is so encouraging to hear about other moms who have gone through exactly what I'm going through with Austin.

Just wanted to show that he really is a good sleeper...when he wants to be!

Austin's First Days

Zach has been responsible for the last few posts, but I am back as a blogger for at least a few minutes...Austin just got fed, changed, and put down for a nap so I'll grab a couple minutes for an update while I can.

So what do I say? After years of waiting I am finally a mommy and Zach is a daddy and we are thrilled! Tired, but thrilled. I still have lots of moments when I look at Austin and think "My goodness, this is the child that grew inside me for eight and a half months! What a miracle!" And as tiny as he seems in even his newborn clothes, I can't believe he fit inside me only a few days ago.

After the first 24 hours of his life, Austin has become a good eater. I was fortunate enough to be visited by a lactation consultant on Friday and she helped us straighten out some problems with his latch. Unfortunately I am still a bit sore from the poor latch he had for the first day but I think it's getting better. Thank you, California friends, for getting me the My Brest Friend...it really is a great product and is keeping me comfortable.

Austin is also a good sleeper...if someone is holding him. Not so good alone in his crib or pack n play. I have spent many hours the past few nights holding my just-fed sleeping baby, gingerly walking across the room to place him in the crib, going across the hall and climbing into my own bed, and returning five or ten minutes later because my son is unhappily wailing. He just thrashes around, swaddled or not, like he can't get comfortable and calm. Sigh. (Or cry; I've done a fair amount of that in the last few days.) I sure don't expect to be getting a normal amount of sleep for the next few months, but I would be getting a lot more if Austin actually fell asleep after he eats at night instead of crying or being rocked for two or three hours.

But there may be hope. We (Mom and I) decided to try propping Austin up semi-sideways against a rolled-up blanket today for his naps and he seems really comfortable in that position. So I got online and investigated sleep positioners that would help him sleep on his side safely. Luckily we found one that Walmart carries so my mom went and got it this afternoon. (I dislike Walmart quite a bit, so it is a sign of my tired desperation that I was willing to buy one there rather than wait a few days to order one online from Babies R Us.) Austin is taking his first nap in it right now and seems happy. We'll see if this allows mommy and Austin both to get more sleep tonight.

One other valuable skill that Austin apparently has is sleeping through Daddy's tuba playing. Yea! Zach started out by playing while Austin was eating, and now he's playing during Austin's nap and that precious little boy is not bothered a bit. I was slightly worried because Zach's music room is directly below Austin's room. It's two floors underneath, but with our hardwood floors quite a bit of sound comes up. Luckily there does not seem to be a problem with this issue so crucial to our family.

Besides being tired, I am feeling pretty good. My stitches must be healing well because I am hardly sore at all. I am achieving new lows of personal hygiene...I didn't brush my teeth today until about 3pm, took no shower, and if I don't smell too bad it is thanks to the deodorant I put on yesterday morning. Oh well. I knew life would change, right?

Got to go. My wonderful mother (I am so thankful she's here) told me dinner is minutes away. Thanks for all the kind comments. The three of us feel very loved!

New Pics

Here are a few more pictures of Baby Austin:

Austin curling up into a little ball

Courtney with Austin before his hospital photo

Zach with Austin in the hospital

Austin's first sponge bath

More sponge bath

A content Austin with his beautiful eyes open!

Welcome Austin Zachary!

Austin Zachary Collins arrived on Thursday, April 10th at 12:10 PM. He weighed 6 pounds, 14 oz. and was 18.5 in long. Mother and baby are doing well. Courtney and I (by the way, Zach is making his first blog post!) went to the hospital this morning at about 7:40 after we suspected that Courtney's water broke. Sure enough, the nurses confirmed our suspicions. Courtney began having contractions around 9 AM and Austin was born about 3 hours later! Enjoy the first round of pictures. More will follow soon.

Progress Update

I went to the doctor today and learned that I am 2 cm dilated! I know I could stay at that point for a few weeks but it's exciting to know that something has already happened. Dr. Stever said he doesn't think I'll make it to my due date. I realize that kind of prediction is notoriously inaccurate, but a girl can hope, right? Just hearing him say it prompted me to come home and do some more baby preparations like putting sheets on the Pack n Play (which we are going to use as a bassinet) and getting the carseat ready, though. Don't want to be caught off guard if Austin arrives sooner than we've been expecting.

How Crazy Would it be....

...to take a seven-week-old baby on a weeklong trip to Cincinnati? Because Zach and I are contemplating doing just that. The International Tuba and Euphonium Conference (aka ITEC) is in Cincinnati at the end of June. Zach needs (and wants) to go for a few reasons: he has students competing during the first few days, he himself is performing as a guest artist sometime during the conference, and his teacher from grad school is being honored near the end. All in all, he will be there for about a week. So either I stay home with Austin by myself for a week, which doesn't sound fun at all, or we pack up Austin and go as a family. We would find an extended stay hotel so we would have a mini kitchen, laundry on site, and other homey touches, but still...are we completely crazy to consider doing this?

What a Man!

Once again, Zach has shown himself to be a far-above-average husband. How so? This morning he went with me to the breastfeeding workshop offered by our hospital. Despite the clear statement that "Fathers are encouraged to attend" on the enrollment paper, he was the only guy there. I'm sure he wanted to just walk out and sit in the car but he didn't. If this is not an example of sacrificial love, I don't know what is.

Signs of Spring

Winter is a loooooong season in Pennsylvania, but this week I have seen some signs of spring around our house! These flowers are growing by our back porch, and there are lots of other green stems poking up from the ground in other spots. Even though the weather is still chilly more often than not, these bits of new life are so full of hope for me. I feel like God is reminding me that He will bring all our trials to an end in His good time. (Those of you who know me well know that cold weather is indeed a trial for me, but He gives grace to endure!) And if He gives grace for putting up with the weather, how much more for the larger things in life?