I know a lot of you have read Babywise and implemented its ideas to some extent as you raise your kids. (If you're not familiar with the book, the basic idea is getting your baby in an eating/waking/sleeping routine, leading to a content baby who sleeps through the night at a fairly early age. For young babies like Austin, the feeding cycle should happen every 2 1/2 to 3 hours.) I read the book before Austin was born and it made a lot of sense to me. I like routines. I would sure like a baby who sleeps through the night as early as possible.
But guess what? Austin hasn't read the book. So he doesn't know that he shouldn't be hungry every two hours. He doesn't know that he should stay awake for awhile after every daytime feeding instead of falling right back asleep. He doesn't know that if he wants to sleep for four hours, it's okay at night but not in the morning when he wants to. Can I blame my baby for not knowing this stuff? Of course not! Babies don't read. But I think I can blame the book (which I now wish I had never heard of) for so often making me feel like there is something wrong with me and/or Austin because he is not falling into a certain pattern.
I should not feel guilty for feeding my hungry child or letting my tired child sleep, right? I feel like there is such a battle going on inside me between my instincts and my book knowledge. Poor little Austin is caught in the middle--I'm afraid that all the doubts I'm feeling are keeping me from just enjoying being his mommy.
6 comments:
Throw all books away. Your family can make up your own routine that works for you. Don't let anyone tell you different!! And no guilt either. Whoever wrote that book probably didn't have children.
Don't forget that Austin is only 2 1/2 weeks old! You're still adjusting to A LOT! Give yourself (and Austin) some time! Your friend is right...you do need to make up a routine that works for you. That being said, if the ideas in Babywise stress you out, set it aside and revisit it in a few weeks. Remember...no one book is going to fit with you and your preferences 100% and even if you completely toss the scheduling idea, in my experience, Babywise does have a lot of helpful tips for parenting and therefore is worth hanging on to. As far as the guilt thing...you know better than anybody else what Austin needs and when he needs it. Definitely follow your instincts. Hang in there Courtney.
YOu are right Courtney, enjoy your baby and God has given you an instinct as a mother. I did do Babywise and I liked it but you do need to be flexible with it and Aimee is right, it is early on. I think, although I haven't forgotten already, I just tried to stay on that cycle as much as I could and eventually Andrew lengthened his time. Remember its merely a guideline. You are doing great!
Hey Courtney!
I remember feeling the same way when Maddie was born. I had preped myself for going into a schedule that worked for my desires and when it didn't work I got overwhelmed. The main thing I got from babywise is consistancy-babies and toddlers thrive on it. So...find something that works for you and Zach and Austin. Maddie didn't sleep consistently through the night til about 17 weeks (that's 7 weeks behind the "perfect babywise schedule"). I really do miss getting up in the middle of the night to feed my sweet girl (call me crazy but I do) the time flies by way too fast.
Like I was saying, consistancy is key, mostly because you don't want to end up feeding your little one ALL day long just because he was fussy-sometimes it is something else and God will give you the wisdom to figure it out! Then...you will be able to encourage some other mom who is going through it! =o)
Lots of love from Cali and LOTS of prayers too!
-Summer
I've been there too, and what I've discovered is something I was unprepared for: the utter need for God's grace.
You see, (and I hate to contradict all your friends here, but, well, I was much different in my parenting style) I shunned all things Babywise. I was attachment parenting all the way; Dr. Sears was (and is) my bible on parenting in a lot of ways. It just makes sense to me that this is my time to be there for my baby and that forcing him into a schedule that I had pre-baby is unfair and a myriad of other things that I have since learned to temper saying out loud. I was extremely into feeding on demand (but quickly learned the difference between hungry cry and gassy or bored cry because, well, I was also not a cow). Although there are some philosophies that I don't buy into in that camp, I found that it just made sense--creating a bond of security and trust through temporarily dying to self fit in with my religious beliefs as well.
But you know, I ended up in much the same place that you are now. For me, it was, "Am I carrying him in the sling enough? Am I responding with the right method? When do I change methods? Am I stimulating trust and security through my daily activities?" (and I also had to deal with going back to work when he way 5-1/2 weeks old when every fibre in my being said it was wrong for me, and all my books said to trust my motherly instincts).
The conclusion that I came to is that God blesses us with children so that he can bless us with His grace in a new and refreshing way--one that we would never have had to experience if we weren't parents. Therefore, the place I should be looking wasn't first in my Baby Book, but into the promises of God. And THEN I hit that Baby Book...but with a renewed peace that this too would pass, that God didn't make a mistake in giving me this child, with these specific challenges. My boy is the iron that sharpens my iron and brings me closer to God. It's been that way since the day I found out I was pregnant. I will pray that God will give you peace in this season and a renewed sense of his presence.
You're doing a great job with Austin! With Kaiden I was on a fairly tight schedule and once Miette came along I found I wanted to enjoy the baby stage a little more as I knew how short it was. I held her a lot more but some of that was personality. I'm not much of a demand nurser as I do tend to like a schedule but if you find a schedule stressing you out because Austin doesn't fit into it just let it go for a bit and see what happens. Both of mine fell into a great routine after about a month.
Wish I could hold your sweet little one...I love newborns.
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