The Past: Ponder, Preserve, Purge

Forgive my alliteration, but those are the words that have been floating around in my head.  Zach and I have been trying to finish up our basement project lately.  The painting is done so we've turned to organizing the stuff that will ultimately go in the painted rooms as well as the stuff that is stored in the basement.  Stuff that for many years was stored in our parents' houses but is now here with us.  In my case, my mom brought several boxes four years ago when we moved in to this house.  I sorted through it and got rid of quite a bit at the time but I thought it was worth another look now.

So last night we put the kids to bed and headed downstairs to tackle some boxes. One box that at first glance appeared to contain only K-12 yearbooks actually included a large pile of miscellaneous artifacts from high school through college: "yearbooks" from camps, TCU Symphony programs, newspaper clippings and my ticket stub from the 1998 Sun Bowl, to name a few.  (Proof that my parents were cooler than I realized at the time: they let my 18 year old self and four friends drive all the way across Texas by ourselves to go to that game, where we dressed up in purple togas and saw our Frogs defeat USC.)  Another box contained all the journals that I kept from about 6th grade until mid-college.  It's quite a pile; I don't think I was a very profound writer but I was certainly prolific.  That box also contained a large quantity of correspondence: letters, cards, postcards from friends and family, mostly from high school and the first few years of college.  It was surprising to see how many actual letters my college friends and I wrote each other during the summer.  We all had email addresses (one had to for school) but the use of pen and paper had not entirely died out.  Hard to imagine any of the college students I know now writing a letter to a friend over the summer.

Looking at all this stuff, as you can imagine, unleashed a flood of memories, good, bad, and indifferent.  There were some letters from friends I met in college, dear sisters in Christ, who showed me how vibrant life in Christ could be, and I was prompted to give thanks to God for putting them in my life.  There were birthday letters from my Grandpa Jones that I am sure I didn't fully appreciate at the time I received them, but he's been gone for nearly ten years now and I'm moved by the little things he thought I'd enjoy.  There was a card from my mom that must have accompanied a finals week care package; she said she knew she was being a bad influence on me but it was hard to send carrots through the mail.  I think I remember that care package; I'm pretty sure there was a generous quantity of Oreos. :-)

But there were also things from my past that didn't bring smiles to my face.  Seeing the things that my teenage self thought important to save, I realized how much I lived for the approval of others.  Like the books from camps.  Our church camps usually ended with yearbook-signing-type events.  (I'm pretty sure we called them something other than yearbooks but I can't remember what.  Any help, Megan?)  I remember reading and re-reading the comments from people whose approval I craved, especially if they were male.  I guess it made me feel better about myself but from this side of high school I see the discontent and small view of God behind my actions.  I can't look back with regret; a sovereign God directed the path that brought me to where I am now, but how thankful I am that God has "[made] known to me the path of life; in [His] presence is fullness of joy" (from Psalm 16). That kind of stuff was easy to get rid of.

All my journals, though...I didn't even touch them last night.  I predict that if I were to read them now, about 90% would be painful recollections of high school crushes and putting my hope in the wrong things.  While I doubt there is much I would actually want to keep secret, I think there is little that would edify a future reader like my daughter.  I hope and pray that Jesus is Esther's first love from a young age and that she will be thereby spared much of what I thought and felt as I sought the approval of man.  But the other 10% of those journals might hold memories worth keeping, like what the first days of high school and college were like.  So someday (soon?) I will go through them and extract the good, and as for the rest...anyone want to come over and make smores over a nice little fire?

Off to School

I sent Austin off to school this morning, of a sort, Vacation Bible School.  Our church doesn't do a VBS but a friend told me about a local church holding one that has a class for 3 year olds.  Austin LOVES going to Children's Ministry at church so I thought this would be a lovely break in our routine for a week.

And I think it will be a wonderful experience for him, but there was a surprising amount of emotion at drop-off time this morning.  All from me; Austin had his usual "this is gonna be fun!" attitude and hardly blinked when I said good-bye.  But as I walked out of the sanctuary and turned around to glance back at him (he was sitting calmly on the pew, just looking around at all the people) I thought "Can this be real?  Is my baby boy old enough to be dropped off at 'school' of any kind and left for the morning?"  Part of me, most of me, knows he'll be totally fine but of course there's another small part that wonders how he'll do on his own for three whole hours.  (That wondering mostly revolves around whether he will go potty as needed when I'm not there to tell him to do it. :-)  Gotta love this stage.)

Although I've enjoyed some extra time to myself this morning while Esther naps and have gotten A LOT more done than usual, I felt so strongly this morning that I would not want this to be the whole future. Sending my kids off to school every morning and not seeing them all day.  Wondering what they're learning and who they're playing with.  Missing the little lightbulbs that go off when they figure something out.  Seeing the excitement when we do a new activity.  Goodness, I'm making myself tear up just thinking about all this. There are many, many reasons why we are choosing to homeschool, but simple time with our kids is certainly not the least among them.

Speaking of time with my kids, it's time to get Munchkin #2 out of bed.  One-on-one playtime with my baby girl is a rare thing and I'm going to enjoy it in the next hour before I get Austin.

It Won't Be Long...

...before this girl is walking on her own.

Hide and Seek

Zach taught Austin how to play hide-and-seek last week.  It’s Austin’s favorite game now; he wants to play it every time we’re outside.  Here’s how a typical game might go.

Austin:  (while wriggling under the castle slide) Let’s play hide-and-seek! 

Zach:     Okay, but you’re supposed to wait to hide until I count.  I can see you right now so that’s not hiding, that’s just being. 

Austin:  It’s okay if I hide here.  Count to 10. 

Zach:     Okay. (closing eyes) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8… 

Austin:  Daddy!  You have to count by the tree!

Zach:     (going over to the tree) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!  Hmm, where could he be?  (exaggerated searching around our small yard)

Austin:  Here I am!

So, we’ll keep working on the rules. J

Videos from This Week

The kids have been awfully cute this week...

Catching Up, Kinda Sorta

Hmm, at some point I had all sorts of plans to blog more about our trip to Texas, celebrating Esther's birthday in Missouri, our trip to the beach, and a few other things I can't even remember right now.  I can blame the death of our previous laptop for some of that; perhaps I can blame our ongoing basement painting project for the rest.  Zach and I have spent many of our evenings after the kids go to bed downstairs with paintbrushes in our hands but we are nearing the end. It WILL be done before he goes back to school. :)

But there are at least a few things I want to put in writing (should I say put in typing?), if for no other reason than that I will know where to look when I eventually get around to finishing Esther's baby book.  (Which is another project I'd like to finish this summer...or maybe I should say I'd like to finish by the end of 2011 and raise my chances of success.)

• Esther started pulling up while we were on vacation with my family.  Then she immediately climbed an entire staircase.  She has gotten steadier every day since then so we expect first steps pretty soon.
• Esther's first tooth popped out on Wednesday.  That's a day shy of 13 months. Finally!
• Esther gives Zach and I kisses when we ask for them.  Big sloppy ones right on the mouth.  This, I think, is my favorite thing ever.
• Esther is into EVERYTHING she shouldn't be into.  She loves to pull Austin's school supplies off the shelf, pull down the toilet paper roll, play with Daddy's alarm clock, pull up on the floor lamp, touch the dishwasher when it's open...sweet but busy is my girl.

And what about Austin?  He is getting more independent, which is good on the one hand as he has always tended to be a needy child, but scary, too, as he wants to just head outside on his own when he feels like it (we live on a busy street so bad idea) or pull entire gallons of milk out of the fridge by himself heedless of what he may knock down in the process.  "Ask first" we say over and over these days.  Parenting Austin continues to be challenging, to say the least.  Statements of unarguable fact such as "You put the bag in the stroller" are met with responses like "It's not a bag, Daddy" many times a day.  (This was an actual example from last night's outing to the mall.)  "Do everything without complaining or arguing" was one of the first memory verses we taught Austin...let's just say we're still working on the application. :)  We are trying to use these episodes to teach Austin about the sinfulness of his heart because as he fights against Mommy and Daddy of course he is really fighting against God.  His heart seems so hard sometimes but I believe God is at work.  No doubt about it, being a parent requires a heavy dose of faith.

Okay, it's late but I'll post just a few pictures of this and that from the last month or so.

Esther's first time in the ocean.  She loved it!  Even on the days when the water was quite cold she wanted to play in the waves.

Esther's first trip up the stairs, with the gracious company of her brother and cousin.

This was at the science museum in Fort Worth.  Austin loves grocery shopping, real or pretend.  We never have behavior problems at the grocery store and he asks as soon as we go in if he'll be able to help me put stuff on the conveyor belt.  (I wish I could remember how he says that; I know it's cute.)  And at home he likes to hand play food to me and have me swipe it across my lap and beep, like I'm the checker and he's the customer.  So this exhibit was perfect, naturally.

At the pool in my parents' neighborhood. Don't know why but I love this picture.

Matching

I did not mean to dress my kids in matching clothes today; Austin started the day off in something different but a half hour playing outside in the 90+ degree heat called for a bath and a wardrobe change.  I pulled a shirt and shorts out of the closet for him, then realized when Esther woke up from her nap that I had little twinkies.  So of course I had to take pictures.

We do not have a nice camera; ours is sloooooow.  So while both kids were originally looking happily at the camera, Esther turned away in multiple attempts, maybe so she could see her brother's cheesy smile.

Guess the two and a half hour nap wasn't enough?

He may drive me crazy for large parts of the day but I sure do love this boy.

This pretty much sums up the sibling relationship.

I don't think Esther was trying to hit Austin in the face with the shape sorter lid, but you could only call it self-defense if she did.

Aww, three seconds of happily playing together.  A preview of things to come in future years, I hope.

A "Death" in the Family

Our laptop died last week.  You could say it went to sleep and never woke up: it worked at my parents' house Tuesday night while I worked on Esther's one year blog post, then it traveled home with us to Pennsylvania and when I tried to turn it on Thursday night to pay some bills...nothing.  So we were without a computer at home for several days while Zach did some research.  (Oh, how thankful I am that he is willing to do that.  My head starts to spin if I look at techy websites and try to compare one laptop to another.)  He made a decision a few days ago, placed an order, and after a little family trip to Pittsburgh last night we are the proud owners of a new Toshiba laptop.  I am still getting used to the keyboard layout but otherwise like it just fine.  (Thankful for Zach again; he is doing all the work of loading software and transferring stuff from our old hard drive.)

But this past week...quite interesting.  You sure do realize how much time you waste on the computer when you don't have it all of a sudden.  I haven't been on a total internet fast; Zach's mom just gave us her old ipod touch so I have been able to check email, but the process of browsing on an ipod is too arduous to do more than the minimum.  So I've basically been ignoring my Google Reader, Facebook, and the dozens of little curiosities that might send me online in the course of a normal day.  And what do you know, my quality of life hasn't suffered a bit.

But excuse me, I think I'll go read some blogs and see what my friends have been up to lately.  :)

One Year Old Esther

Unbelievable.  That's how it feels that our baby girl (if it's even fair to call her a baby anymore) is turning one year old today.  One year ago we had a normal Monday planned.  One year ago I woke up and continued to feel Braxton Hicks contractions as I had for several days but thought I'd ask my doctor about them at the next day's appointment.  One year ago we sat on the back porch and read the newspaper while Austin played in the yard.  One year ago we took an afternoon walk that ended by jogging up the hill towards our house because of a sudden light rain shower.  One year ago we ate dinner like usual and started to load the dishwasher.  One year ago my water broke in the middle of loading the dishwasher and we scrambled to find someone to watch Austin before we headed to the hospital.  One year ago our little Esther popped into the world after a short labor and two pushes.  One year ago we marveled at the miracle of a new baby as we gazed at her through the side of her isolette.

But today...

• Esther weighs about 19 pounds, according to the scale in my parents' bathroom.  That's the same weight the Wii gave her last month.  Hmm.  We won't have an official weight until her one year checkup on July 18.
• Esther has learned how to clap and wave.  She started doing that stuff right after she started crawling.  It was an exciting week.
• Esther can't quite pull up to standing yet but gosh she seems close.  Any day now.
• Esther's ability to feed herself has really taken off this month.  She can now eat pretty much whatever the rest of the family is eating.  Sometimes she hardly eats anything, then she'll surprise us one night and eat a huge meal.
• Esther starts flinging food off her tray when she's done.  I think she learned that from her cousin Milo.
• I find the variety of foods she eats impressive given that she STILL has no teeth.  She has continued to be fussy the last few days though.  They've got to come soon, right?
• Esther likes ice cream.  When the family got soft serve a few weeks ago, I gave her a little bit.  Then she went "ah ah ah ah" until given another.  And so on.  Sheesh.
• Esther does not like cow's milk much.  She is still nursed three times a day but I've been trying to give her a little additional whole milk with a morning snack.  She'll take a few sips then push the cup away.
• Esther has a toy cell phone.  She pushes the buttons and then holds it up by her head.  I don't remember teaching her to do that.  Kids these days!
• Esther also likes to play with Daddy's Ipod Touch.  She scoots her little finger over it like she was born with a piece of technology in her hand.  Good grief.
• Esther can play catch.  If you roll a ball to her, she'll pick it up, hold her arm out, and drop it.  Of course, she usually holds her arm out to the side so the ball generally rolls away from her playmate but it's fun nonetheless.
• Esther continues to be a mommy's girl.  When she wants me to pick her up she crawls over and butts her head against my leg.
• BUT...Esther happily spent an hour in the crawler's room at Pops and Gran's church and didn't cry.  Making progress.
• Although I think it's fair to say I'm Esther's favorite person, she has been saying "Daddy" semi-regularly for a few weeks.  She says "Mommy" occasionally but Daddy more often.  Needless to say, she is one of our favorite people.

Esther Bug, I love you more than words can say.  You bring joy to my life every day and I am so grateful that God gifted me with a daughter!

Esther's 1st Birthday, the Texas Edition

Although Esther's birthday is not until Tuesday, we celebrated with our Texas family this weekend.  (We will get to celebrate again with my side of the family in a few days, stay tuned!)  Our kids are blessed (as are we) to have such a big, loving extended family.  We really enjoyed the day with Gran and Pops, Uncle Heath, Granny and Grampa Collins (Zach's grandparents), Aunt Debbie and Uncle Paddy and their baby Faith (whom we met for the first time since God brought her to them through adoption), and Paddy's mom, "Mrs. Patty."  Unfortunately Esther seems to be on the verge of getting her first teeth and frankly, had one of her fussiest days ever, but there were lots of loving arms to hold and comfort her.

I used a ladybug theme, of course, for my little Esther Bug.  My friend Laura taught me how to make these cupcakes, and she also gave me the idea for the tablecloth.

They're watching you!

This one's watching you, too!

Esther had fun opening her presents and playing with her new toys.

It's not just me, right?  This girl is ADORABLE.

And then of course there was the cake.  Once she got going, this little chocoholic didn't stop until most of the cupcake was in her tummy or on her face.  Yeah, that's my girl!

Esther wasn't the only one covered in cupcake.  Austin took those frosting-covered hands and rubbed them in his hair!  Ah, that's what bathtubs are for.

Happy early birthday, Esther!  And fond remembrances of my Grandma Irene, from whom Esther gets her middle name, who died 18 years ago today.

Vacation

I am feeling rather lazy of late but why not?  We're on vacation!  Nine days ago we packed up our van and began the long journey to visit our family in Texas.  Three days later we arrived, after a pit stop in the Kansas City area to surprise my mom for her birthday.  (Props to my sister for arranging everything so Mom was completely shocked to see us.  So fun.)  When people hear we drive to places as far away as Texas they tend to  react like we're a bit crazy but to us crazy is being strapped into an airplane with two little ones and no way out.  At least in the car if they fuss no one hears but us. :)  Actually, I think our kids do pretty well in the car and Zach and I enjoy road trips ourselves.  Esther keeps herself occupied with toys and besides asking for snacks ("sumpin to eat an sumpin to dwink") every two minutes, Austin handles himself well, too.

But here we are and it has certainly been nice to NOT be in the car all the time for the last five days.  We have been staying quite busy: a Rangers game on Monday, the science and technology museum on Tuesday, the zoo yesterday...and of course lots of rock throwing in the pond out back.  I have been loving all the time to read while the kids nap or after bedtime.  Just finished In the Company of Others by Jan Karon (from her Father Tim series; if you haven't read her stuff I highly recommend it) and have started the Duggars' book plus my book group's July selection, Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah.  I don't think that last one is a book I'd choose on my own but since I'm hosting next month's meeting I figured reading the book would be nice.

Zach and I have enjoyed some child-free evenings revisiting places from our past.  There's a mile-long walking/jogging path near Bill and Becky's old house on which Zach and I took many late evening walks the first year we were married; we did two loops Sunday night at 9pm in the 95 degree heat.  Of course that called for strawberry limeades at Sonic afterward.  Then last night we had dinner at Razzoo's in downtown Fort Worth and just wandered around a bit.  Lots of good downtown memories from college.  We do love this town.

I have been pretty good about taking pictures but haven't put them on the computer yet.  Later, I promise.

A Little Explanation

A few people asked why Austin is in physical therapy so I thought I'd give a word of explanation.  He is a toe walker.  We asked our pediatrician about it at his two year and two and a half year checkups and was told "it's just a habit" but at three years we felt like it was something that needed to be addressed before the habit became unbreakable.  So we've been going to PT for about two months.  Although he was wary at first, Austin loves it now.  He gets to climb and jump on all sorts of fun equipment and Carole usually lets him drop a parachute-wearing "Buzz Lightenyear" over the lobby's second floor railing before we go home.  Carole thinks Austin's issue was initially due to both habit and some muscle weakness but she thinks his strength is improving and we're mostly dealing with the habit now.  So if you see my son, feel free to remind him to walk on his whole foot. :)

Just a Few Cute Things I Don't Want to Forget

Austin has said some awfully cute things this week and I don't want to forget them.

• Austin calls physical therapy "mickle serapy."  This always brings a smile to my face.
• At physical therapy this week, Carole (the physical therapist) asked if Austin was going to do anything fun this weekend.  Zach prompted him to talk about our upcoming trip to Texas, asking "Who are we going to see in Texas?"  Austin replied "The Wan-gers!  And we gonna wear our hats!"  (Zach and Austin have matching Rangers hats and Zach had told him that we'll probably go to a game while we're there.)
• At the park a few days ago Austin desperately wanted Zach to play with him instead of Esther.  He said "Daddy, I think you need me!  You neeeeed me!  You neeeeed me!"  Projecting his feelings a bit, hmm?

Anniversary Outing

Zach and I celebrated nine years of marriage this week!  Our wonderful and generous date night-swapping friends Liz and Scott said they would watch our kids for a longer-than-usual date if we wanted to do something special.  A few days later I found out that the Duggars were going to be in Pittsburgh to sign their new book.  I'm a fan so this was exciting news for me!

Obviously people have differing opinions about this particular family, but I think they're fantastic.  Although we don't agree with 100% of their beliefs, I think we share all the essentials of the Christian faith.  They are genuine, loving, and glorify God with their words and actions.  And in person, they seem pretty much the same as they do on TV.

The whole family is on tour so Barnes and Noble had four tables set up full of Duggars.  We were directed to a table with Anna, Jessa, Jeremiah, and Johannah.  (I was kind of disappointed that you were only allowed to go one table, especially since there was not a huge crowd but oh well, you take what you get.)  I could hardly believe that Anna came on this tour; she is due to have a baby in a couple of weeks!  Now I don't personally know what it is like to be 38 weeks pregnant but I'm pretty sure traveling hundreds of miles from home wouldn't have been on my to-do list!  She said she and Josh were very excited to be there, though.

We were told that posed pictures at the table wouldn't be allowed and it was hard to get good shots from the line but here are a few I managed to snap.

The family sang before going to the table to sign books.  It was sweet to hear all the little ones' voices joining in loud and proud.

Don't you just love Johannah's signature?

I took this in the parking lot when Zach and I came out of P.F. Chang's where we ate lunch after the signing.  It's hard to see, but John David, Jinger, Josh, and one of the little boys were throwing a football around.  I thought that was so neat--I have heard them talk about their siblings being their best friends and I think this shows that they really mean it.

A Few Cute Pictures

Just thought the grandparents would like to see the family this week. :)